Muslims around the world are celebrating the holiest month of the year beginning today. Over the next 30 days, we shall jaga our makan minum and kelakuan in our bid to get closer to Allah.
But knowing it ain’t gonna be an easy task, I have taken the liberty to list down 10 things which I believe can help us get through Ramadhan. Here are the ten things you should not do during Ramadhan:
1. DO NOT browse Ahmad Maslan’s cooking pictures or his recipes.
Just taking a look at them could probably have you stuff your face on a toilet bowl. Remember, inducing vomits by purposely carrying out acts which could cause you to puke is makruh and could cause batal puasa.
2. DO NOT miss the chance to go for terawih prayers and be sure to double park along roadsides and neighbouring area.
If the road is wide enough, park triple pun lagi cantik. And while at it, make sure the speakers at the mosques are turned to the max. Fasting and being a good Muslim throughout the day time would be meaningless if we can’t be our selfish ignorant self after berbuka, kan?
3. DO NOT follow any news on Najib. Cursing and swearing can reduce pahala puasa.
Read news on Bung Mukhtar and Ahmad Maslan instead – at least you will end up having a good laugh.
4. DO NOT watch the reruns of SEA Games, especially gymnastics and synchronised swimming where their un-Islamic attire could reduce your pahala puasa.
And not forgetting their V shape might kurangkan your pahala and ‘naikkan’ something else. But don’t worry, if you think you cannot resist the temptation, you may wanna watch the show closely with crossed eyes – at least the V would appear as a W.
5. DO NOT prepare any meal for berbuka puasa, instead buy everything you need from bazar Ramadhan.
Try to get your own trolleys and make sure you buy everything in excess of what you in need. Remember, we need to pay as much GST as possible because our government needs duit raya.
6. DO NOT walk around any neighbourhood with churches while fasting – the sight of a cross could burn your Bumiputera ego and melt your faith away.
This is a very important message especially if you are living around Taman Medan.
7. DO NOT indulge on news about PAS, DAP and PKR – perbuatan sia-sia and wasting time can reduce your pahala puasa.
Instead, read on this extraordinary guy, Arul Kanda – just be sure not to imagine nasi ‘Kanda’ when doing so lah.
8. When berbuka, DO NOT go to any restaurants serving Church dippings, Temple sauces, Tokong Mayos and Gurdwara Mustards.
If you must, you could try going to restaurants serving Mosque belacans. That’s lebih afdal.
9. DO NOT post pictures on what you have prepared for juadah berbuka.
Seriously, no one cares what you’re having for buka puasa. But if you are itchy for it, try tweeting those pictures to our Twitter Lord instead, I am sure he would appreciate it – after all, he does love the limelight.
10. If you are a civil servant, DO NOT reduce your expenses for Ramadhan.
In fact, spend lavishly – the government is always around to spoon feed you. Oh by the way – congratulations on your RM500 early duit raya as endorsed by Najib Razak recently. As the money came from our tax monies, we wish you a blessed Ramadhan.