How to make athlete’s attire Islamic?

unislamic-attire

Perak Mufti Harussani Zakaria’s declaration that gymnastics is not for Muslim women comes as no surprise to me because I read his mind long before he made the statement. (See “Can we please stop confusing each other?”)

While I find myself amused that it took him some time to finally notice the aurat-exposing attire of our gymnasts, I wonder how long it will take for him to notice that our female swimmers wear similar attire.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am not mocking the mufti. How could I? After all, muftis are the scholars – they are the ones who are well aware of the do’s and don’ts in Islam. They are secured a place in heaven for all their wonderful Islamic ways while we are nothing but ignorant baboons with bird brains who have no religious knowledge whatsoever.

So, surely, his advice must be given weight. And that is exactly what I think Malaysian Muslims should do. Therefore, I suggest we stop whining and start to seriously ponder on the advice uttered by our wise one.

I for one would like to suggest that Khairy Jamaluddin start a brainstorming process at his ministry to figure out what is the attire most appropriate for our athletes.

We have so many fashion designers in our country who I bet would be delighted to share their creativity with our religious scholars and our Sports and Youth Ministry to come up with the most appropriate, unrevealing, aurat-concealing attire for our athletes. Can someone please ring up Bernard Chandran or Zang Toi?

Ignorant though I am about matters Islamic, I hope the great mufti and the ministry will take some of my suggestions into consideration.

  • Our Islamic-friendly sportswear can adopt the look of a Punjabi dress which comes with a tutu down to the knee with flabby pants underneath. This can allow the athletes to move freely while covering their not-to-be-seen body parts.
  • Perhaps we can consider printing the alphabet ‘W’ right on the groin area so the ‘V’ shape of our female athletes’ crotches doesn’t stand out too much?
  • Or maybe add some ruffles or some additional laced goffered frills around the bosom, groin and buttocks for additional concealment. This could also provide our athletes with some cushion in case they fall flat on their bums.
  • Since athletes are willing to go through rigorous training routines, maybe they should also be willing to go through a medical procedure to alter the shape of their crotches. I am sure our local plastic surgeons are capable of making the ‘V’ shape into, say, a ‘U’ shape. Adding two dots on the attire right below the belly button would give us a perfect smiley face.
  • Realising that none of our athletes’ attire mattered when no one won any international medals or got recognised for the true champs they are, KJ might want to think about advising our athletes to always be below the radar. Never win championships. Try our best to lose. Or better still, do not show up for the tournament. You could always ask Nazri Aziz where he took his foreign delegates before they suffered diarrhoea and ensure our athletes are given the same meal plan.

Now how does that sound for a total makeover?

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Published by: fa abdul

Fa is a passionate storyteller, a struggling producer, an aspiring playwright, an expert facebooker, a lazy blogger, a self-acclaimed photographer, a regular columnist, a part-time queen and a full time vain pot.

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