Roti Canai Bertelur, anyone?

I am hungry and I am craving for a good roti canai.

By the way, do you know what makes a good roti canai?

A good roti canai in my opinion should be light, soft and buttery on the inside, flakey and crunchy on the outside. It need not be round and puffy like my grandma used to make them – the square and flat ones are fine too, especially since the folded corners keeps the stuffings in place.

Ah the stuffings, yes!

These days, roti canai comes in a variety – all named after their stuffings. Roti sardine (with cheap sardine stuffed inside), roti pisang (chock-full of creamily melted bananas), roti bawang (loads of thinly sliced sweet crunchy onions) and roti bom (sweetened with syrup added to the dough before cooking) are a few examples of roti canai with stuffings you can find in any local mamak place.

Since most Malaysians are crazy about roti canai, there has even been quite a number of latest innovations joining in the list of the typical roti canais we have. This includes roti Milo (roti canai sprinkled with generous amount of Milo powder) and roti Cheese (with a cheapskate amount of rubbery cheese).

But whatever the trend is, nothing, I mean nothing compares to my all-time favourite, roti canai telur or as they call it these days – ‘roti canai bertelur’.

I’ve always wondered why I like roti canai telur so much. I mean with all the yummy varieties of roti canai that we have, why do I fancy the humble roti telur? Well, yesterday I finally got my answer, thanks to the BN-Mersing MP who was so apt in his quote.

Apparently, ‘roti canai bertelur’ is meant for those who have got balls. Something like our beloved Prime Minister-lah I suppose. Ya-lah, it takes a gutsy person to implement something like GST especially when almost the entire nation is against it, kan?

Have you seen the way mamaks make roti canai telur? They break a couple of shit-covered eggs into a tiny bowl, give it a good whack – not shaken, not stirred but a good silambam style whack, before pouring it into the roti canai.

Come to think of it, Najib isn’t just any roti canai telur – he is roti canai extra telur! In fact, he rides on the telur’s of every other MPs in parliament – which makes the other MPs telur-less roti canai (or as known to some as ‘ball-less’ roti canai).

Now, I don’t mean to offend our wonderful MPs. I am sure each and every one of them have their own speciality. Like Zahid Ibrahim for example – I bet he can be known as Roti Sardine. Why? Err…well, cheap sardine gives me diarrhoea and he always tend to look like having one. And Azalina can be Roti Pisang – because she looks sweet and moist but hard when she wants to. Let’s not forget our First Lady who is already established as a Roti Bom – I believe it is because she is sweet, creamy and so nice just like the sugar syrup filled roti.

Then again, if our members of Parliament represent roti canais, that would make our distinguish Speaker, the marvellous roti canai maker! The more skilled he is in making his roti canai, the less grumble we hear from the people. In fact, the best way to attest the credibility of a roti canai maker is by tasting the roti canai by itself – which is why a good roti canai should be edible by itself, without being associated to the accompanying curry.

Talking about curry accompanying roti canai, it is a well-known fact that roti canai goes very well with dhal. Perhaps that is why for ages we have been having our roti canai bertelur, roti sardine, roti pisang and roti bom with dhal.

It’s not that I have an issue with dhal. I like dhal. I’ve been having dhal since I was born. But lately I find dhal rather boring. And it also tends to stir my tummy a bit. But worst of all, at times, after having a good plate of roti canai bertelur with dhal, it gives me a nice little stinking fart. The odour in turn has the ability to make others end up suffocating. Something like politics I assume – it stinks and suffocates people.

I wonder if people are ready to say goodbye to dhal. Maybe it is time for something new – like crab curry. OMG roti canai with crab curry is to die for!

Okay, this is getting out of topic. What I really want is a good roti canai telur. Maybe I’ll have extra extra telur since I consider myself gutsier than the PM – he may be gutsy to implement GST but not gutsy enough to face the allegations thrown at him. I consider myself gutsier to vote for the PM to be ousted.

So, roti canai extra extra extra telur anyone?

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