As an Indian woman, I have been shaving since puberty. I call it the Indian curse.
Just as I was relating my bad experiences with having hair all over my body to a Chinese girlfriend the other day, she advises me to flaunt them to the world. Apparently, according to her, it empowers women by reflecting their true identity and not having to adhere to any expectations or norms of the society.
While I agree it is important to empower women and be genuine, I do not think the world knows what it means for an Indian woman not to shave. Seriously, we are not Chinese women who are lucky to be born boob-less, bum-less and hair-less while here we are, Indian women,carrying the burden of humanity.
I mean, do you seriously know how fast our hair grows? The hair on our head, face, under our arm, on our legs and in our Bermuda Triangle – they all grow like Jack’s beanstalk. It is almost as if we Indians have coconut oil streaming in our veins, promoting the hair growth.
Trust me, I know what I am talking about – I have been shaving since 15 years of age. And let me tell you, it is such a pain in the ass. Even before I get one arm shaved, my new shaving blade gets blunt. And even before I get those blunt blades changed, hair on the shaved area would have grown!
Seriously, how many blades do I need to buy to shave my entire body? And how long do I have to spend shaving my body?
And on top of that, Indian hair is just like Indian people – we are darn stubborn – must be the curry. The more you shave, the longer, the thicker, the curlier, the darker and the faster it grows. Like I said, it is a curse to be born an Indian woman.
But we also cannot consider not shaving, right? Nope. Not shaving is NOT an option. Why? Well, have you ever seen a Sasquatch?
Perhaps Indian women living their misery life having to deal with hair issue solves a lot of mysteries:
1. Why are most Indians not fair?
-Our hair makes our complexion seem dark.
2. Why Indian women do not give birth at a rate equivalent to the Malay women?
-It is because with all our hair, men can barely find our Bermuda triangle.
3. Why Indian women keep their hair long?
-To encourage a healthy competition between hair on their heads with other parts of the body.
4. Why most Indian women end up marrying Indian men?
-It is because only an Indian can understand another Indian’s misery having too much hair.
5. Why do some Indian women stay spinster?
-That is because most men mistaken us for a male, thanks to the moustache above our upper lips.
I remember stealing my dad’s razor to shave my legs when I was younger. And when the forest started to grow, I remember begging my mother for my very own razor. But look at me now. Sigh!
I mean it is nice to be hair-less. As a woman, I have always liked the feeling of smooth face, smooth arms and legs. It makes me feel sexy. But there is just too much work, time and cost involved. Is it even worth it?
Perhaps I shall shave only on special date nights (if there are any men who can see through my ‘natural’ beauty lah) while I continue gardening on other days. Perhaps I should also adopt a seasonal approach – keep ‘em hairy during dengue season (prevents mosquito biting) and cleanly mowed during durian season (prevent body heat).
Sounds like a good idea…for now at least!